Do you remember how you fell to sleep the last time ? When you fell to sleep ? What went through your mind at the moment you fell asleep ? Do you remember exactly how your dream began ? . My life so far has been nothing but a search for the answers to a lot questions. Questions like these that I can never answer. Can some one else answer these for me ? I threw questions like these, the question about my own life to everyone. A desperate search for a way to be know asking here there and living half the time asking how I can be the different, how I can be anything but a mediocre.
The realization came to me, though it took its time, that if I ever wanted to be anything but a mediocre then I ought to stop trying to be different. I have to realize that there isn't any treasure that is hidden in me, that when found will pull me up to the sky that I dreamt of touching. A confession to make, this realization that I talked about has not yet happened fully. Though this was put to me by a whole lot of people this has not sunk in.
There is a story I vaguely remember, of a father, old and frail, having too many sons who are of no use at all to the world. He one day asked these sons to plough the family's paddy field. But to no surprise they refused. One day the clever man, disclosed to the sons the secret of the hidden treasure buried deep at the far corner of the field. And Walla ! the plough and the trough where was where showered with sand and clay. A nice ending to the story; the father sowed seeds in this field and made a fortune and left them for his son. And they too learned the value of their hard work and effort. Realizing that the real treasure comes of hard work and effort and not from a pot that you inherit.
What am I to learn from this; that the essential search for the hidden treasure is inevitable? And that without it there will be no real treasure ? Perhaps yes . I still do not know, because the regret that the farmer's sons, we talked about in the story, would have been great. What about the joy that the fruit of their hard work brings ? Is it large enough? Had there been a hidden treasure would it not have made them more happy ? So should I for that matter give up my search for the hidden spark ? Would that mean I will loose the treasure if ever it was hidden?
By simple logic one gets this straight. Even if the treasure is not real and hidden the search for it finally rewards you, may be something that is not as good as what was dreamt of, but something that is definitely good enough. And the more that I search for this the more I make of the real treasure, and will this make me far from mediocrity? Is this search all that is to life ?
You come across another category of people who achieves a lot in life. What about them? Does this logic apply there ? Are they, the geniuses and the millionaires, mile away from what they are dreaming of? Are the achievers casting a mere shadowed of themselves to the world ? Or do these people hit upon some treasure? Are the feats they achieve a mere reflection of their hard work ?
It is compelling to believe that it is not the case and literatures do speak of the difference in abilities and of luck. Another question that just popped up; when should one or should one ever give up this hunt for the hidden treasure ? Does giving up this hunt amount to the end of achievements ? Is achievements all that matters in life? When should one eat the kill from the hunt? What about 'living' the life ?
Finally does it boil down to the question, is hard work or skill and brilliance and wealth that matters ? That decides? What if your dream is too big and the time too less for hard work to show its charm ? Should one give up on hard work and sit hand in hand and enjoy life with what ever you have, leaving the dream behind or spend all that you have to plough the field, knowing you have no seeds to sow ?
The role of faith; that God will show you the way has always been true.
If the there is difference in abilities, if I am good, or bad; but then why should I be? Is it for a purpose ? How do one know, what one does is for a purpose ? Is at least aimed at purpose ?What if there is no purpose ? What if the search for the purpose is the only purpose ? What if all that I do is not aimed at the purpose ? Will my life find a new purpose for itself? Can I ever know if I will ever hit the purpose ?Should I seek to find an answer to this ? Can I ever know if I can hit the purpose ? Should I seek to find an answer to this?
What if I cannot ? What if all that I have , I expend on the search ? What if I have and do not know that I have and keep away from trying to hit the purpose ?Do I fear loss. Do I wish gain ? Am I human or insane ?
